In a Perfect World
by Morien Alexander
Summary: Remus talks about dying, the afterlife, and Sirius with Tonks. Because the afterlife, to Remus, is about Sirius. RemusSirius, RemusTonks, Books 5 & 6 spoilers


**Title:** In a Perfect World

**Author:** Morien Alexander

**Rating:** G

**Pairing:** Remus/Sirius, Remus/Tonks

**Spoilers:** Book 5, mild Book 6

**Warnings:** A bit of slash. Sappyish.

**Notes:** Remus talks about dying, the afterlife, and Sirius with Tonks. Takes place at the end of Book 6. Main characters noted as Remus and Sirius, despite the Tonksification- because to Remmie, I think, the afterlife is all about Sirius.

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**In a Perfect World**

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"You'd feel like you were betraying him. That's what it is. That's why you won't be with me." Tonks' voice was strained. She looked down at her hands, and Remus could see a tear coursing down her cheek. She sat across from him on the empty hospital bed with one foot tucked up under her and the other dangling off the edge of the mattress. They were alone for now. Only Bill and Fleur (who were both sleeping) were in the infirmary. "You want to remain faithful." 

"I-" he began.

"Even after death, right?" She looked up, and her eyes were shining too brightly. "But it's 'til death do us part.'"

"I can't..." Remus stopped and ran his fingers through his hair. "Even if you can accept all my past and- well- all of me, werewolves don't live long. I lose a lot of blood every full moon. Even if I didn't, it's a great strain on me." He felt his throat tightening. "He and I always said to each other that I'd die first, and he'd have to live on. I'd wait for him on the other side."

"What are you saying?"

"I have about two years left to live. At most." He put his hands on her shoulders. "I don't deny that you're beautiful. That I want to be with you. But I don't have anything left. I'm going to die. And then-"

"Then you're going to be with him." Tonks wrapped her arms around herself and two more tears spilled over and ran down her cheeks. "Isn't there anything that I can do? Anything to help you?"

He shook his head. "Wolfsbane might give me a month or two more. It's not worth it, though."

"It's worth it to _me_!"

Remus colored slightly. "I know. But that's-that's not the point. The point is that I'm going to die. I can't be yours forever." He reached out to touch her hair. She leaned into it like a cat, and they both looked anywhere but at each other. "It's not good enough for you."

"It can be," she said softly. "I can put up with the end if only for the good beginning."

His thumb found her cheek and stroked it. "But if death is only the beginning of something else-"

"I don't begrudge him your love!" she cried. Tears dropped from her chin onto her robes. "I just want... I want... this," she ended lamely, her hands clenching and unclenching. "I want you to try. I want to try."

"Sirius-"

"Sirius would have wanted you to at least be happy! I can do things for you! I can... I can make things easier. Cook your meals, wash your socks, go with you when you're on a dangerous mission- anything!" She choked back a sob. "And if you don't say yes, I'll come back and come back and come back, because even if you don't love me I love you."

"I _do_ love you."

"And even if I'm not the first in your heart, I want to be the second! I want to know what it's like to be loved by you."

He wiped away a tear with his thumb. "Tonks..."

"Please," she whispered, turning her eyes up to meet his.

Time seemed to stop for a moment. The world turned around them in a haze of emotions winged with promises. At last, he spoke. "I can-" he swallowed and then continued, "I can give you two years. But you need to promise me something."

"Anything." Her face softened.

"When I'm gone, you will find someone else. Someone who loves you first. Someone who you can meet in the world after this one."

She squinted a little as she looked up at him, as if she was facing the blinding sun. A hint of the smile he was so used to twitched at the corners of her mouth. "You really believe that there's something beyond this place?"

"I know there is," he smiled back at her. "The ghosts told me about it." He put his arm around her waist and drew her against his side. "It's a place they can't reach, but they can see it sometimes. It's far off and bright- full of sunshine, they say. And golden fields and huge mountains and feasting. And there are people there. People laughing and talking and people hugging, people kissing and people running. And the stars are clear in the sky. There are warm blankets and cool breezes, snow at Christmas, and freshly washed linens flapping on the clothesline."

"You have to do laundry in the afterlife?" Her face was tear streaked, but she leaned against him and smiled.

"I don't know. But I do know that there are waterfalls and kindly animals. There are huge trees and wide oceans. Red brick towers and high-ceilinged hallways, clouds and rain and enormous bonfires. There are so many many things that they've seen, Tonks."

"The rain parts and the sun shines through."

"Yes." Remus lay back on the hospital bed, shifting her so that she lay across his chest. She sighed into his robes, hot breath blooming against him. He stroked her hair and leaned back against the white pillows. "I've heard there are deep caverns filled with endless glittering stones, and fireflies that dance around you. There are huge houses and small houses and dogs and cats and owls and oh! Tonks! The people that you've always known and always loved are there."

"You'll be there when I get there."

"I'll be there." He sounded dreamy and calm even to himself. It would have been ridiculous at any other time, but this was different. They needed to know that this place existed. They needed to know that souls lived on and could be happy. In this trying time, the world beyond the world was hope for all fallen comrades.

She sighed again, happily. "This place is real?"

"The ghosts think it is."

"Why don't they go, then?"

"Some are too stubborn. Others don't want to leave the people here on earth. Some are resentful or angry."

"Have they seen hell?"

Remus shrugged and felt Tonks' head move on his chest as she snuggled into him. "I never asked them about that. I started to, but then decided that I didn't want to know. I'm doing my best not to go there, so why should I find out? That's not a place that I want to know exists."

"You're going to be with Sirius there, aren't you." It wasn't a question.

He smiled. "In a perfect world, I'd be there with you both."

"That sounds like a perfect world." She was smiling, too.

"It does, doesn't it?"

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**End**


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